Subtitles by explosiveskull
[typing on keyboard]
[thunder rumbling]
[rain falling]
[thunderclap]
- [thunder continues rumbling] - [rain continues falling]
[woman] I'm getting wet. Really wet.
My nipples are erect, throbbing.
I have his earlobe between my teeth.
Um...
[woman 2] And now you, David.
What are you doing to Alice?
I have one hand on her bottom
a-and, uh...
I'm playing with myself.
[pen scratching on paper]
On a scale of one to ten,
what angle would you say your erection was at this point?
7.5?
[woman on computer] Although erectile dysfunction, or ED,
is primarily of organic and vascular cause,
psychological factors play a role in most cases.
ED has been shown to compromise overall quality of life,
and it's associated with depression, anxiety, and loss of self-esteem.
Treatments vary from oral agents to entering urethral suppositories,
and another more drastic option is a penile implant.
[man] An incision is made where the penis and the scrotum join.
An opening into one of the erection chambers is made
and sutures are placed.
A special inserter is used
to draw the cylinder out of the shaft of the penis.
A pocket is made for the pump.
The pump is placed deep in the scrotum.
[exhales]
- Fuck. - [laughs]
[laughs]
[Alice] Do you think they're moving out 'cause Joan's pregnant?
Well, that's the way things go.
Marriage. Kid. Kaboom.
The poor little thing.
I was thinking, if I lose my job,
we should move on a starter garden.
But not like the hippies.
For profit, like in LA.
We rent a little cottage,
and then you and me grow carrots and leeks and potatoes.
You know, I could probably draw you a carrot,
but I don't think I could grow you one.
I'm sure you could grow me a carrot.
Ooh.
You're so tense. Your neck's like a fist.
Mmm.
- Mmm. - [exhales]
Mmm.
- That good? - Mmm.
- [chuckles]
Oh!
My goodness.
What's this?
David Johnston...
you have...
a 7.5.
Well, let's get this thing
into therapy.
- Whoo! - [both laughing]
[both moaning]
[laughs]
Yes.
Don't think or talk, or it won't work. Okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
Just relax. You're doing just great.
I'm getting really hot.
Stop.
[panting]
You're not feeling dizzy, are you?
A little, yeah. Kinda... [exhales]
Jesus.
Promise you won't be angry.
It's not your fault, baby.
I crushed some special pills into your ice cream.
What?
That's what the blue bits were.
- How many did you use? - Just a couple.
It's gone totally numb.
Can't feel a thing.
It was meant to be romantic.
Fuck. It's like Robo-cock.
Don't you want to make love to me?
No.
I don't.
I didn't mean that.
Of course I want to make love to you, but...
I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack.
[whispers] I'm sorry.
[inhales, exhales]
[kisses]
[sighs]
[breathing hard]
[phone: line ringing]
[line rings]
[man] Welcome to the Career Help Shop,
part of the Department for Employment.
We're experiencing an unexpected volume of calls today.
Your call is in a queue and will be answered shortly.
[music playing]
[music continues playing]
Why not brush up on your interview technique
with our handy list of dos and don'ts available online.
[music continues playing]
[robe strap tightens]
- Thank you for waiting. - [music continues playing]
[man on phone] Career Help Shop.
We're here to help you help yourself.
[music continues playing]
- [music stops] - [line clicks]
A person. Um, hi.
I made a claim for unemployment benefit eight weeks ago...
Thank you for waiting. Alternatively, you may wish to call back later.
For God's sake.
- [music continues playing] - [sighs]
[computer chimes]
[chuckles]
[typing on keyboard]
[computer: man, woman moaning]
- [moaning intensifies] - [woman] Oh! Yes! Yes! Oh! Yes!
[moaning]
Hello. You're speaking to Chantelle.
Can I take your national insurance number, please?
[moaning, screaming]
[Chantelle] Hello?
Oh, God. Um, yeah, hi, I...
[line clicks, dial tone]
Fuck!
[chimes]
- [knocks] - Hello.
- Ah. Dan. How are you doing? - How's it all going?
If you know anyone in the market for the CEO of a bankrupt design company, I'm your man.
[laughing] Here it is.
Fuckin' awards.
Who's the girl?
Alice.
I did a big project for a magazine she worked for and...
we just kind of hit it off.
That's good. Moving on already.
For you.
- Hey, hey, hey! - Daddy, Daddy, did you bring Tumshey?
Yeah. Just let me get inside first. [kisses]
Ten to 6:00, David.
Yeah, I know. I got held up.
I was... I was held up.
How's the job hunt coming along?
Good. Yeah. The, uh, CVs are out.
Search continues.
How are your parents? I sent them a check towards the mortgage.
Look, just have her back for 6:30.
Don't let her go down the slide. She'll only get filthy. Okay?
- [kisses] - Bye.
- We're going out for dinner. Bye, darlin'. - Bye.
Bye.
Shall we go down the slide?
Mummy says no slide.
Well, Mummy's not here, is she, eh? [laughs]
- [giggling] - You little rascal!
Come on.
[whispers] Let's go on the slide.
[woman] As you know, the redundancies reflect our sales.
We're down 34 percent.
About 14 percent worse than most of our competitors.
We need real-life, cutting-edge human interest stories.
Stories with a universal twist that we can sell internationally.
Without syndication, this magazine will be pulled.
First round of pitches will be Monday morning.
[sighs quietly]
Hey, Daddy-o.
You wouldn't believe the shit today.
[computer chimes]
You here?
- [dance music, faint] - [chattering, faint]
- [chattering continues] - [music continues playing]
[Alice sighs]
[sighs]
[computer chimes]
[key clicks]
Okay. Give Daddy a kiss. Mwah.
Say bye to Daddy. Good girl.
- Come on, then. - Okay. In you go.
- Come on, darling. Bye, Daddy. - Bye, Daddy!
- Bye-bye. - I want Daddy! I want Daddy!
- Bye, Daddy! You'll see Daddy soon, darling. - I want my dad!
Amy?
Let's get ready for dinner. Do you want to wear your new dress, darling?
[David] Hey-ho, mi amor. I'm home.
[water running]
[inhales, sniffling]
[exhales]
[toilet flushes]
[exhales]
What's up?
Here was me thinking you'd been sitting here for the last two months
sending out your CV.
What are you talking about?
[exhales]
"They're both orally and anally bi."
What does that even mean?
I'm not really sure how that happened.
- Look, I was bored and one thing led to another... - I'm boring?
- I didn't say that. - Or ugly? Or fucking what?
Don't be ridiculous.
Why are you laughing at me?
I'm not.
[scoffs]
You could have at least said something.
I might have actually let you fuck total strangers if it helped with "our problem."
I don't want to fuck total strangers.
I was on hold to the job center. It was something to do.
I'm sorry.
- Where are you going? - To meet some normal people.
Alice, I didn't do anything.
- Do the washing up! - [door opens, slams shut]
[chattering, faint]
[scoffs]
Hey, Daddy-o. [sighs]
You sleeping?
Yeah.
[sighs]
You know, normal people are so weird.
Go to sleep, Alice.
[sighs] Mmm.
[kissing]
You're so soft and warm.
Alice...
I'm gonna tell you a story...
Mr. Diggler.
It's story time.
[both moan]
[sighs] They were kissing.
And she put her hand on his knee,
stroked his thigh.
Want me to tell you?
Okay.
They started French-kissing.
Joan and Tom went into the bedroom
and left us alone.
Oh, you're getting hard, Daddy-o.
[David murmurs]
She put his hand up her skirt.
I tried to leave, but she told me to stay where I was and watch.
Huh?
It's okay. I'm just telling you what happened.
[exhales]
She was right beside me,
touching him.
God, you're so hard, Daddy-o.
Yes.
Okay, you're fine.
I'm touching myself now.
- [moans] - [exhales]
- You want a little bit more of my story? - Yeah.
It was scary,
but exciting too.
She started to suck his cock in front of my face.
Yes.
- [breathing heavily] - Yes.
- [moans] - Oh, God.
You're inside me, my love.
- I'm losing it. - You're fine. Keep going.
[grunts] No. It's...
I-It's no good. Sorry.
It's okay.
[panting, sighs]
Let's just sleep.
[sighs]
They didn't actually do that in front of you, did they?
[giggles]
Tom threw up in the bath,
and I spent the next half hour stacking the dishwasher.
[laughs]
Good story though.
We actually, totally did it.
Well...
sort of.
For, like, ten seconds.
But it was amazing.
I loved it.
A total breakthrough.
A revelation.
A revolution.
Ladies and gentlemen,
for one night only,
I give you a substantial tumescence.
[sighing]
[moaning]
[woman] Anything else?
Erectile dysfunction. It's women's fault.
- We do a long-running series... - Anything stronger?
There's been a six-percent increase in male suicide...
- [all groan] - since the start of the recession.
This is a lifestyle magazine, not a socialist pamphlet.
- [woman] What about sex? - The agricultural minister's affair is everywhere.
But no one has done the mistress's side.
Yeah? Worth a try.
What about swinging?
Yeah, like swingers' parties.
[Alice] There are 218,000 people on this site alone.
Twenty percent are couples,
60 percent are single men,
ten percent are single women,
and three percent are transvestites.
There are 48 sites like this in the UK alone.
We are in the grip of the second sexual revolution.
Stats are all very well, but we need emotion.
Why do they do it? Is it some kind of therapy?
Are they perverts, or are they just like us?
It needs to be based on real interviews
with real people.
Can you do that?
- Sure. - Okay.
Do it.
Do you know any swingers?
"MBA."
Does he look like he's got a business degree to you?
Married, but available.
- No way! You have been doing your homework! - [chuckling]
Could you do it? Could you share me with a guy like this?
Wouldn't it make you insane with jealousy,
and angry, and horny as hell?
- Alice. - Mm-hmm?
You know, I have this sudden mad urge.
Mm-hmm.
For cheese on toast.
No cheese.
Thanks.
Alice, what are you doing?
What does it look like?
Let's see if we get any replies.
You're not... actually going to post that?
- Mm-hmm. - Alice!
Yeah, it's done. I'm sorry.
- [chuckles] - Wettie Bettie.
[both laugh]
And Mr. Diggler. A good couple.
[woman] ♪ Like ♪
♪ Rain ♪
You're not going to believe this.
What?
Steve and Shona, busty and lusty swinging couple,
seek same.
[urinating]
They want to meet us. Like, for real. In a bar.
- You're not being serious, are you? - Yes.
Unless you absolutely forbid me.
Uh, okay. I absolutely forbid you.
Come on, David. The fact is, I do this, or I lose my job.
And then we'll both be stuck at home, wanking.
[Alice] Okay, we need a signal.
[David] Uh, "get the fuck outta here"? [chuckles]
[Alice] What about "parking meter," or...
"Banana"? [chuckles]
- A bit obvious, maybe? - Mmm.
God, I'm shaking.
They probably won't turn up anyway.
I bet she's really sexy and flirts with you.
[laughs]
- Ah. - Oi.
Okay. This is it.
[speakers: rock music playing]
Let's go.
- So, are you two married? - No. No, we're not.
[Shona] Hmm.
- [Alice] You are married? - Yeah, we are married.
[Alice] I see. [chuckles]
So, uh, what's your favorite football team, mate?
I'm not really into football.
[laughs]
You could say that I started early.
Yeah. David has a little girl, you know.
- She lives with her mother. - Mmm.
- Do you like any sports? - Not really into sports.
You watch international games, like...
- Football? - Yeah.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah. Of course.
Mmm. [sighs]
I see. [chuckles]
[Shona] Lads, we're just gonna go and powder our noses.
- Right. - [Alice] Why don't you get to know each other? Hmm?
I just wanted to know,
did he push you into doing it?
Not exactly, no.
You see this?
It's my third time round, and this time I'm not gonna let a man fuck it up.
They're all the same.
As soon as you tie them down, they start cheating on you.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
They're all big weans, really.
- "Wings"? - [laughs]
- Weans. Children. Kids. - Oh, yeah.
- I don't... I don't play. - No?
Watch it. No.
What do you do? [laughing]
Well, um, uh, nothing at the moment, really.
Right. Aye. Aye.
I'm unemployed.
Had a business.
Aye, yeah?
What's your favorite Jet Li movie?
And I thought, well, at least if I could choose who he's shagging,
I could pick some decent ones.
I let him think he's havin' his cake and eatin' it.
It's been five years now, and we have never been happier.
- [Alice] Hey, boys. - Hi.
Hi.
[clears throat]
Shall we put some money in the parking meter?
- That used to be our safety word, didn't it? - Uh-huh.
[giggles]
So, what's your... your word now?
- [both] Babysitter. - [Shona] Mm-hmm. Babysitter.
Are you not meant to keep it a secret?
So, uh, would you like to go and put some money in your parking meter?
And I could phone the babysitter.
Or maybe you could just come back to ours and have a boogie.
- [engine idling] - [car doors close]
[Steve] Right?
Put the heatin' on. Wee drink, eh? Warm ourselves up?
Just watch your feet on those tools there. He's awfully messy.
What can I get you? Something fizzy?
- If you don't like that, I've got voddie, if you want. - I'll have a vodka.
- Vodka? Mm-hmm. - Um, just some tap water for me, thanks.
- Tap water? - Yes.
- Okay. [chuckles] - [Steve] Get some tunes on, eh?
Davie, maybe you could do that for me.
And I'll go and give Stevie a wee hand in the kitchen.
Okay? [chuckles]
- [speakers: dance music playing] - There you go.
- David. Really? [giggles] - [speakers: woman singing]
♪ They make me go Kinda crazy ♪
So... how far are you gonna take this?
Just pick some different music.
- ♪ But I love it ♪ - This is gold.
- [dance music continues] - I'll get your drink.
- [music stops] - [heavy panting]
[Steve, Shona moaning, gasping]
[Steve] Oh, God, I'm gonna come.
No, Stevie, not till you've had a go with her first.
Uh, no. Don't let us interrupt you.
Really. We're good just watching. It's, uh, our first time.
Oh, come on. You're miles away from home.
We've got all night.
Live a little, huh?
Banana meter.
Actually, we just wanted to talk.
[Shona] More time-wasters, eh?
- Get 'em out, Stevie. - Get the fuck out now.
Get out. Come on! Get outta here!
- [door slams] - [Shona squeals]
[Steve, Shona laugh]
- Come on. - [Alice laughing]
[both laughing]
On the kitchen table.
Right in front of us.
- I know. - [laughs]
Kitty Crunchies.
[laughing continues]
Hey.
What?
[gasps]
[Alice moaning]
It was kinda... shocking
to see her over the table like that, yeah?
[whispers] Oh, yes.
[sharp gasp, moaning continues]
- [moaning] - [grunting]
Tell me a story. [grunting]
Wh-When he thrust into her,
- her breast fell out of her bra. - Yes.
[both moaning]
- Her nipples were erect. - Yes.
Yes!
[cries out, groaning]
[moans]
[both panting, moaning]
[laughs]
- Oh, David. - [laughing]
I fucking adore you.
I love you.
[man] I'm sorry, but as I've already explained, the claim is not for you,
but your household.
So if your partner is working,
we have to assess her earnings too.
Until then, your claim for benefits is declined.
So if I lived on my own, you'd give me benefits.
Would you like our form for your partner's earnings
so we can reassess?
Yes.
Please.
All right. Thank you.
[David] "There's the room through the looking glass
that's just the same as our drawing room,
but everything is the other way around.
And in a moment, Alice was through the glass
and had jumped lightly down into the looking glass room."
Sleepy time now.
- Dada. - Yes, darling?
Can you stay here?
Okay.
But just till you fall asleep.
[vehicle stops in driveway]
[door opens]
[car door opens, closes]
- Hey. - Hiya.
- She went out like a light. - Good.
- Brushed her teeth all by herself. - Wow.
So, next Thursday, same time?
Actually, there's something I'd like to talk to you about.
- Right. - Hey, don't worry about that.
It's fine. It's all right.
I need you to have a little look at this.
Our signatures need to be witnessed by a lawyer,
and then it's all done.
Okay, well... I'll look over this.
Then it's...
I've booked us in for two weeks' time.
I'd really like to meet Alice sometime.
[line ringing]
- Hello? - Hi.
Uh... is that Marcia?
Yes.
It's, uh... Alice from Swinging Paradise.
You gave me your number.
[Marcia continues, faint]
Great.
Marcia. Hello.
Hi. What a great accent. Where are you from?
Spain, originally.
But I'm always on the move, you know.
Never manage to stay in one place for long.
But I like it here. Scotland is great.
- And you're in the West End too? - Uh, yes.
Uh, W-slash-E, I guess. Yeah.
[Marcia chuckles]
You know, um... we're quite new to all this though.
It is quite tricky to...
- Hey, Daddy-o. - [door closes]
Hey, I'm in here.
Hey.
It's so early. What are you doing in bed?
Is Amy okay?
Yeah. She's great.
How was your day?
Good.
Quite exciting, actually.
And you might find it interesting as well.
- Oh? - Mm-hmm.
What have you done?
You know, I...
I think that it's okay...
I... It's okay to be turned on by watching.
If watching another couple helps us to have sex,
that's cool.
Is this some kind of test?
No.
I'm...
I have to meet another couple tomorrow,
and I don't want to go by myself.
[scoffs]
♪ If you love someone Let them be free ♪
♪ I know I don't want no one ♪
♪ Suffocating me ♪
♪ Don't settle For ownership ♪
♪ Make it deep ♪
♪ If you love someone ♪
♪ It should feel good To let them breathe ♪
♪ So ♪
[dance pop: instrumental break]
♪ When you see me Walking around with him ♪
♪ I'm not just another chick ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ His girl ♪
♪ When you see me Walking around with him ♪
♪ I'm not just another chick ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ His girl ♪
♪ And I can be proud That I'm his girl ♪
♪ 'Cause I know that I'm good All by myself ♪
♪ See, I don't need his love ♪
♪ I really want him Right? ♪
♪ And he can feel good That he's my guy ♪
♪ 'Cause he knows It don't mean That he's just mine ♪
♪ I don't wanna own him Or control him ♪
♪ I just want our souls To be aligned ♪
♪ So when you see me Walking around with him ♪
♪ I'm not just another chick ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ His girl ♪
♪ When you see me Walking around with him ♪
♪ I'm not just another chick ♪
♪ I'm ♪
♪ His girl ♪
♪ When you see me Walking around with him ♪
♪ I'm not just another chick ♪
♪ He picked up For a walk-around ♪
♪ He's gonna Put back down again ♪
♪ I'm the one He loves and trusts ♪
♪ He goes out on the town I don't get jealous ♪
♪ It's all about affection ♪
♪ Not possession, with us ♪
♪ And I do exactly What I want ♪
♪ When I'm with him And when I'm not ♪
♪ He's not domineering Just endearing ♪
- [laughing] - [song fades]
Marcia can tell you about the first time we met up with another couple.
Oh, my God. It was impossible not to laugh.
The guy did a striptease.
- [Alice] Really? - Yes. Yeah, really.
Come on in. I'll show you the house.
Wow.
- I love your paintings. - Mmm.
David went to... to art school, you know.
He's very talented.
[man] We try to collect local work.
Maybe we could see some of yours.
Oh, it was a long time ago, and mostly graphics, really.
[Marcia] Is he always this modest?
[man] Well, shall we get some drinks?
Sure.
Here. This way.
- Nice windows. - Venetian.
This used to be a playroom.
Horrible, cartoony wallpaper,
so we just knocked through.
- We are not having children. - [laughs]
- Little bit of absinthe. - Thank you.
- Sláinte. - Sláinte.
- Cheers.
- [exhales] - [clears throat]
So, do you wanna see upstairs?
We may as well.
It's the nicest part of the house.
[chuckles]
[zipper unzips]
- [whispers] What? - Mm-hmm.
[whispers] Oh, my God.
[exhales]
[both moaning]
I'm gonna suck his cock.
- Do you want me to? - [kissing]
Banana meter?
Uh...
[zipper unzips]
Oh, it's so hard.
Look at them watching us.
I wanna see her tits.
[moaning continues]
[moans]
[moaning]
Kiss me.
I think she means you.
I'll do it if you want me to.
Or we could just watch.
Do it.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
I love you.
Kiss me.
I wanna fuck him.
I'm gonna fuck him.
Stop.
I'm sorry.
David.
Just wait.
Wait for me.
[David] Sorry.
- I spoiled it for you. - For me?
This is for both of us. Hey, don't walk away from me!
Please, David. Don't be jealous.
Look.
Why don't you go home.
I just need to walk this off.
I'll be right back.
[sighs]
[chattering]
[laughing, whistling]
[woman, man arguing]
[chattering, laughing]
[man] What can I say?
[shouting, laughing]
[exhales]
Ah, he's so hard.
[buzzing]
You turned off your phone.
I've been worried sick.
I don't wanna talk about what happened tonight.
Ever.
Okay.
I don't know why you stay with me.
[chuckles]
I don't know either.
I hate this fucking country.
It's cold and wet, and everybody's fucking miserable.
Why do you think I stay here?
I could just...
get in a plane and start again.
It wouldn't be the first time. You know that.
[sighs]
I'm here because of you.
You are clever,
talented, funny.
You just need some time.
I'm going nowhere, so please, Daddy-o,
don't push me away.
- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry.
Let's go. You're freezing.
[woman] Thought you were gonna interview a young couple.
The key to the new, sexy, hip Internet swinging scene.
[Alice] Well, I was following a couple, but they pulled out.
[clicks tongue]
How about an overview?
The sexual politics of swinging?
- The alternative to marriage? - No. That's dull.
We need one face, not a thousand.
There is always...
There's always this woman.
She's not exactly a sexy young thing, is she?
She's had sex with over 2,000 men and women.
Good God.
And she's agreed to an interview?
Yes.
I'm meeting her later.
Okay.
Do you want to keep it?
I'll take this. You don't like.
Right.
[woman on phone] My father was a naval officer.
My mom was a typical military wife,
following the big man around the world with a child in tow.
Why on earth would you wanna know that?
Eh... [chuckles]
Oh, it's nice to have someone take such an interest in me and my brain
rather than just my body.
Come on, David. You... You have to admit she's fascinating.
I mean, you should have heard her on the phone.
She's been a naturist, a tantric couple's therapist,
a bondage mistress.
I mean... how many women her age...
She's a freak, obviously.
She might even be able to get to the bottom of your problems.
Sorry.
Our problems.
Okay.
If you really can't do it,
I'll get Tony to come.
Who's Tony?
Tony is 28,
well-endowed.
We work together.
[David] Wish I'd never clicked on that feckin' website.
[Alice] Oh, come on.
[whistles] After you, monsieur.
[woman] You have no idea how many fakes there are on the scene these days,
trying to get free pussy.
The most tragic of all is when you arrange to meet a couple and only one of 'em shows up.
- [Alice] The guy? - Of course.
- Mm-hmm. - And he'll say something like,
"Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Simone..." Or whoever... "Has a cold.
She couldn't make it.
But why don't we have a threesome, and she'll get you later?"
[both laughing]
- Men, huh? - Oh, he's a rascal.
- [David chuckling] - You mean, things have changed?
Oh, God, yes.
Life is not about freedom anymore.
- It's about what you can get for free. - Yeah.
Back in California, I was a polyandrist.
There was Jago and Tom, Sally and Yvette.
Yvette was a transsexual from Warhol's Factory.
We lived together like one big couple for three years.
We had rotas for everything... gardening, cooking, even bonking, of course.
The men rarely did the dishes though.
We agreed to do this water-only diet and have 30 tantric orgasms a day.
- [David] Wow. - Give you terrible diarrhea.
Some things never change.
[laughing]
Oh, God.
- I could just tie him up and spank him. - [Alice laughing]
We hold weddings and ceilidhs here throughout the year.
Our night's a little different though.
[light jazz playing]
Going up.
So, is... is this a swinging motel?
Oh, no, that would be illegal.
We're vigilant of the nosy parkers and frauds,
but we're not doing anything we're ashamed of.
The hotel just happens to have a lot of people, once a month,
who like fucking each other senseless.
- [elevator bell dings] - We take this whole floor for our parties.
On soiree nights, all the doors are open.
[woman's voice] I don't believe in boundaries between people.
Men, women. Black, white. Young, old.
Down at the end of the corridor is where we have the black room.
The black room?
It's an ancient ritual from the Shawnee American Indians.
Where the blind find their sight and the ugly become beautiful.
Someone once made love to my armpit in there for half an hour.
It was divine. Let me show you my other favorite room.
I call this the bridal suite.
Now, my dears, don't be shy.
I've seen hundreds of couples with problems like yours.
Come on, sit.
David. Alice.
- [sighs] - Take my hand.
- Right. - Sit down.
That's it. Now, just fall back on the bed.
Fall back on the bed.
That's it.
- Breathe in. - [laughing]
That's it. Laughter's the key to everything.
It really is.
Look up at that couple in the mirror.
Breathe together, in...
and out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
In and out.
You've never seen yourselves like this before.
Still and beautiful.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
In and out.
Let yourself melt into each other.
- In and out. - [gasps]
- [exhales] - [laughing]
Bloody hell.
That was...
It's like I've been in a car crash.
My legs are still trembling.
I mean, you were so orgasmic.
I know. [laughing]
- I can't believe we... - Screamed?
- Yeah. - So loud?
- Uh-huh. - Yeah, me too.
[exhales]
You know, it was like losing my virginity,
only good.
[chuckles]
Does it mean we are...
- Cured? - I don't know.
Does it?
Listen, I've been thinking.
Mm-hmm?
How would you like to meet Amy tomorrow?
We should have done it ages ago.
[sighs]
David Johnston, I would love to meet your daughter.
[laughing]
How will you introduce me? Like, your girlfriend?
Or your partner?
- Partner's horrible. - Yeah, don't worry about it.
Just play it as it comes.
Okay.
Okay, Alice.
I'm off.
Oh. Thanks.
All right. So I'll see you in the park around 3:00.
- When I'm done. - Okay.
Don't be so nervous. You'll be fine.
Mmm!
- Good luck. - Thank you.
Bye.
[pen scratching on paper]
[pen taps paper]
[man] Sign here, and here.
Okay.
[pen scratching on paper]
They make it very simple, don't they?
[man] It's a mere formality really.
This is great. I'll get the certificates mailed out to you right away.
- Good luck to you both. - Thank you.
Thanks.
So you're a free man. [chuckles]
I'll pick Amy up at the park about 4:00?
Yeah. Good.
I'm going to introduce her to Alice today.
That's good. I'd like to meet her myself.
[Amy] Daddy!
- Will you be able to eat that before we play football? - Yeah.
Now, hold my hand on the road. Very, very busy.
Hello, tiger.
Where have you been hiding?
And who is this gorgeous girl?
- My name's Amy. - Your name's Amy.
Well, you are just a gorgeous little munchkin, aren't you?
Marcia, we really need to get a move on. We're running late.
Okay. Um, well...
Well, say hi to Alice for me.
We'd, um, love to spend more time with you guys.
- Come on. - Where are we going, Daddy?
Shush. We're going to the park.
- Who was that lady? - Just someone from work.
But Mummy says you don't have work.
Mummy should mind her own feckin' business.
Look.
We're gonna go to the park and see Alice.
You'll like that, won't you?
[Alice] I was just popping in to get a repeat prescription for the pill.
And I also wanted to get the sexual health check-up thing.
Okay.
So, I have some news for you.
Maybe you were expecting this?
Mmm. No.
The results show that you're pregnant.
I doubt it.
Your records show some history.
Yeah, I, um... I had two abortions before.
Um, yeah.
Are you sure there's no mistake?
It's a lot to take in.
I know these things can be complicated.
[children chattering]
[Amy giggling]
[grunts] Oh, Daddy, Daddy!
- It's okay. It's okay, darling. - My knee! My knee!
- [screaming] - It's okay. It's okay, Amy.
- Just put her down. - Don't be scared.
- Let me go! - Just let her go.
You okay? Everything okay? You're fine, baby.
Look, the nice lady didn't mean to scare you.
- Do you want to say hello to her? - No.
- No? - Amy! Darling.
- Mummy! - Sweetheart, come to Mummy.
Oh, what has Daddy done?
What were you thinking?
- Don't cry. - Just wait here.
Darling, it's okay. It's okay.
- Hannah! - Calm down, Amy. Calm down.
Hannah, she just slipped over in some mud.
She's covered in mud, David.
She is fine. It'll wash off. Just put her down.
- For goodness' sake. - Put her down.
It's just dirt. It's fine.
Here, let me take your lolly, love.
She didn't know who Alice was.
- Are you all right? - Oh, well, that's Alice then. Okay.
Look, David, there is always something.
That's why I don't like leaving her with you.
[David] Kids fall over.
Alice?
Why didn't you wait for me to introduce you?
What?
They teach them every day at nursery not to talk to strangers.
She's four. I mean, how is she supposed to know who you are?
Have you any idea how long it's taken me to negotiate
to even see her, unsupervised, in a public place?
- But, David, she fell over. - I expected more from you, Alice.
Sorry. I'm... I'm...
[sighs]
- [door closes] - Alice?
You lied about your name.
Most swingers do.
You have an STD? Ditto.
No.
Worse. You're a journalist.
I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me.
Actually, it's time I told my story. I have cancer.
Breasts and glands.
If they cut it out, there'll be nothing left of me.
I intend to go out with a bang. Fire away.
[sighs]
You never wanted to have kids?
Well...
You have to understand, it was the beginning of women's lib.
It was family planning.
A lot of us did things that, in hindsight...
Abortion.
Adoption.
I gave my daughter away.
My m... My mother told me I was the biggest mistake she ever made.
Oh, that's a terrible thing to say.
If I was your mother, I'd be so proud of you.
Alice, for a long time, I was a lost soul.
I didn't know who I was.
One night, I got out of my head at a party.
I went into a black room, and I let a stranger fuck me until I disappeared.
No names, no faces. Just touch.
Sometimes, when you're lost, when you're totally lost,
that's when you find yourself.
We'll black everyone's eyes out and write their job titles on top.
Plumber, IT consultant, cleaning lady, accountant,
with Dolly front and center.
Queen of the Swingers kind of thing.
The finale at the hotel will be the icing on the cake.
You just go in as a couple. He'll snap all the pics.
Orgies, uglies, buggery. All the freaks.
No.
What do you mean, "no"?
A lot of time and money's already gone into this.
We're pretty much ready to print.
If I'm going to do this, I'll do it my way.
By myself.
[sighs]
Alice?
Will you at least talk to me?
Where are you going now?
I have to finish my story.
But you like stories, don't you?
What is it you want from me, Alice?
It's quite simple.
Are we going to stay together and grow old and all that shit, or not?
'Cause if not, we're just wasting each other's time.
Alice, I just want you. Just... you and me.
And we'll see how it goes, okay?
Just let me fucking go.
What, so you're just gonna walk out?
Okay, turn around.
[mid-tempo dance music playing]
- [chattering] - Oh, darling. Good to see you.
And you.
You look great. Have fun.
- Hi. - [chatters]
[both laughing]
Hi.
Hi. I might be on the list.
- What's your name? - Alice Lopez.
L-O-P-E-zed.
Just one?
[grunts]
[phone buzzing]
[buzzing stops]
[woman laughing]
[woman moaning]
[laughing]
[voice slowed down] You're a bad boy.
I told you. You've been bad.
What do you say?
[laughing, slowed down]
[laughter]
You know what this room is?
You need to take them off.
Including the heels.
You can change in there.
[no audible dialogue]
[recording] Hi, this is Alice. Please leave a message after...
Sorry there's no tip.
Sorry. Excuse me.
Sorry, mate. Private function.
Dolly! Dolly, hi. It's me.
David.
It's okay. This one's with me.
- How wonderful to see you. - I'm looking for Alice.
I haven't seen her, darling. Why don't you go and explore?
Great. Thank you.
- Hi. - Lady Munter, you look fabulous.
- Mwah. - Come on in. Everybody, come in.
Don't stand out in the cold.
[woman] Oh, fuck off. No boys! [laughing]
Hello, sailor.
[grunts] Bitch.
[woman laughing]
I'm looking for my partner.
Um, she's about so high. Got a ponytail.
- Name's Alice. - No names in there, mate.
Nothing to see.
You can get changed in there.
Excuse me. I said you could change in there.
I'm sorry. I'm in a rush.
Socks as well, please.
[woman] Suck his balls.
[moaning]
[David] Alice, are you in here?
- [woman] Shh. - [man] Yeah.
Alice!
[woman] Let me in. I want to suck 'em too.
[man] Just watch where you're going, would you?
[David] Yeah, I will. I will, I will, I will.
Alice, talk to me, please.
[woman] Come here. I'll be your Alice.
Please, just stop touching me.
Alice!
- [moaning continues] - Please, baby.
[woman] Hard. Harder.
[woman moaning, crying out]
[breathing deeply]
[sobs]
[sighs]
[David] Turn the lights on!
- Turn the lights on! - [man] For fuck's sake, mate.
Banana meter. Banana meter, Alice!
[man] That's enough! Out you go.
[woman] Turn off the fucking light!
Right, you... out.
David.
[woman] What'd you stop for?
- Jesus, where have you been? - I thought you were someone else.
What are you doing in there?
- I'm looking for you! - Listen, can you just fuck off?
Just get out of there, will you?
[man] Come on, let's just go to the sauna.
Right, get out now, or I'm calling the bouncers.
Alice.
Please, please. Come on. Let's go in here.
- Come here. - David. Hey!
[door closes, lock clicks]
I'm not gonna let you run away again, Alice.
If you wanna start again, you're gonna have to do it with me.
Just me and you and Amy.
And we're gonna be just fine.
I love you, Alice.
I'm pregnant, David.
[sighs]
Jesus Christ, Alice.
I want to keep this baby.
Alice.
Of course we'll keep it, Alice.
What about work and money?
I don't know.
We could move to the countryside and grow some carrots.
[chuckles]
- Aren't you scared? - Shitless.
But you're going to be a mummy, Alice.
[chuckling]
[whispering] Look at us, Daddy-o.
Wettie Bettie.
¡Perro malo! [laughing]
[laughing continues]
Subtitles by explosiveskull
[woman] ♪ Oh, I'm gonna Write your name ♪
♪ A mile high ♪
♪ In flames ♪
♪ So tell me, do you feel ♪
♪ The same? ♪
♪ Tell me, 'cause it looks ♪
♪ Like rain ♪
♪ Oh, you, ooh ♪
[humming]
♪ Oh, it's not enough ♪
♪ To say ♪
♪ My words get in the way ♪
♪ So tell me, do you feel ♪
♪ The same? ♪
♪ Tell me, 'cause it feels ♪
♪ Like rain ♪
♪ Ah-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Oh-oh, ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Oh, ooh ♪
♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Oh, I'm gonna write ♪
♪ Your name ♪
♪ A mile high ♪
♪ In flames ♪
♪ So tell me, do you feel ♪
♪ The same? ♪
♪ Tell me, 'cause it looks ♪
♪ Like rain ♪